Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
