Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
