think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
