did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
