Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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