My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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