So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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