never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
