We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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