dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.