Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
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Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.