Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Randomize
