Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
