He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
