that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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