k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
