so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
