I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
