you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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