I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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