I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
