summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
