i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I wish there were birth control emojis
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Randomize
