and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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