Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
