the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
