Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
