Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
