Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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