I need help removing her.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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