You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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