i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
