Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
