I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
