Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Randomize
