I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
