I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
