Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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