my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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