It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
