my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Ladies don't puke and tell
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
