I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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