i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
