Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
