I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
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