The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
