Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Randomize
