that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
