i always forget guys have bellybuttons
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
