omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
