I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
