i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
