i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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