she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
