Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
