lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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