I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
sarcasm needs its own font
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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