you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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