We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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