Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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