I cannot find my penis.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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