Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
