On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
