meet me or not, i'm out of control
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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