Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
