If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
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i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
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he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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