Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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